the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
