I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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