if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
