when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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