dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
