Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
