"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
