I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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