Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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