Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
