sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
