Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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