i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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