You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize