So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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