I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
