I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize