You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
