He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
