And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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