i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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