he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
