new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
