random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
