Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize
