i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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