Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
