You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
