I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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