I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
