Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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