You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
