She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
