So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No subtext here. People are naked.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
