Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
