found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
