just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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