no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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