around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
