His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
