Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
