He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
