I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
