i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
