I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize