My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
