I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
