Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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