i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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