Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
