I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize