he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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