If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
