We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
