I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
