I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
