Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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