You're my little dorito
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
