You can't motorboat a personality
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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