Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
