I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
