After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
