I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
