I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
