i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she looked like the before picture.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
