I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
