Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize