"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
