You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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