You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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