Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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