so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
