Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize