If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
