I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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