oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
