Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize