I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
