I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
