hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
