the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
