I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize