No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
